Autumn is my favorite time of the year, when I again become obsessed with ghost stories of all kinds. Sometimes my mind betrays me, and like a time machine, takes me back to a ghost of a moment I’d hoped to forget, now a bit sharper with hindsight. I don’t need Jacob Marley to take me on a journey. I can do it myself. Like the time I convinced my cousin to let my friend come to his wedding and she showed up in a skintight tiger striped dress. Ghost of weddings past. Or maybe the painted on Jordache jeans with the pink stitching that I couldn’t sit down in. Ghost of “what was I thinking, fashion version”. I’ve lived four lives by now, each haunts it its own way. No matter how much I’ve grown through each of them, I’ll still remind myself I’m not as great as I’d like to think. I live in the cross section of unshakeable conviction, and quiet self rebuke for not knowing better in the first place. I don’t generally indulge regret- I don’t believe in it. I did what I wanted at the time, even if I was wrong about wanting it. But shame, that’s another matter entirely.
One of the things I don’t regret is throwing my mom her 50th birthday party. She had done it so many times for me, at great sacrifice, and for the first time I was able to make her the center of attention. My mom always made me feel special. Even when things were crazy, beyond belief really- my parents constantly told me I was special, and I believed them. I still do. So obviously I was psychic right? That’s special.
I mean, I knew who was calling before I picked up the phone. For those of you who never knew anything but a smart phone, that was pretty impressive. My friend Daviann and I believed we could make things happen, not unlike a scene in the Craft. I’m sensitive to energy shifts. I love a good reading. I taught myself to read tarot cards in high school. The cards are less about prediction than they are about discovery. You think you’ll feel better if you know. If someone could just tell you everything is going to be ok, its not hard to believe that it will be, that it always is. If you’re trying to do something, be something, decide something, and you ask the cards, your response to them is the real insight. If you didn’t know what you wanted before, you do as soon as you see the cards. Maybe an insight, or a goal to prove wrong, but once an answer is offered, you know immediately the answer you always wanted. Tapping into these senses made me feel powerful. I read people. I see the micro changes and adjust accordingly. I feel the drain of energy vampires, disguised as friends. Reading the cards taught me to listen to that quiet voice inside me, the one that whispers beneath the surface noise.
My mother was obsessed with carousel horses. Her email was carouselhorse@aol.com. Her birthday party was hosted at Carousel Gardens in Shelton, Connecticut. The house was originally built as a family home in the 1890’s. By the time I crossed the threshold, it had been transformed into a restaurant with a carousel theme. William Henry Harrison Wooster, the founder of the Seymour Manufacturing Company, built the house with the sole intention that it stay in the family. He couldn’t rest in the afterlife once the property was sold, so he haunted the halls. There were unexplained noises and shiver inducing cold drafts from nowhere. Some would notice that crowded feeling when your skin prickles and you feel the energy charge of a place push against your own. The restaurant was famously haunted, and to prove it, they kept a photo album filled with images of their ghosts. Blurry white, smoke-like forms wafted throughout the images, in different times, different locations in the building, but always the same smoky waft. This was their ghost and this was our very own carousel themed haunted mansion.
When our photos came back, we were blown away to see the very same smoky, elegant form, superimposed on some of, but not all, of the images. A sensual shape of a woman twisting herself, her arm raised, her head tossed back. The ghost was with us too. Now there was proof, in the record of this moment in time when my mom was the center of attention.
Every autumn, memories stir and I find myself shuffling the cards. My first deck is still stored wrapped in their original silk scarf. I’ve been doing daily lazy, single card readings, asking what I need to know today. Maybe I see what I want to, but each time I’m impressed by the insight. I asked for it, I see. I understand a little more now. And if that is just a tool for me to hear myself, its a good tool.
The practice of paying attention, of listening to the invisible shifts has never left me. The same instinct that turns me toward the cards, pulls me back into the kitchen. I know there will always be new ideas, new recipes, new stories. I believe that I’ll be able to find the thread, and I always do. Whatever collective unconscious all that energy is floating through, I can tap into it like magic. Its always there, and all is well. Words are spells. Cooking is everyday witchcraft.
Kitchen Ritual
For the ghostly moodiness of the season, here is my Concorde Grape Black Pepper tart, inspired the brief, beautiful life of the Concorde grape. Seeds aside, Concorde grapes are as gorgeous as they are delicious. At their peak, the sweet and tang are balanced with the mature, bright fruity sweet flavor that long cooked commercial jelly just can’t capture. And that witchy plum purple color! I first made this Concorde grape jam to fill chocolates and I highly recommend trying that.
Concorde grape jam both fills and glazes the tart. The shell is a carefree, easy to make chocolate crust- everything in the food processor. It is easy to patch. No need for any dough anxiety here. Black pepper gives it a subtle spicy staying power, punctuating the floral tannic grape jam. Sweet and tart, a little crème fraiche in the cream layer balances the flavors, adding complex creaminess and leaving the perfect light colored, textured canvas for the vibrant purple juice set on top. With some of the left over tart dough, I sculpted branches. I was very much in an old masters state of mind when I created this. Always a little bit fancy, I touch it with a bit of gold leaf on hand from previous client orders. Gold is always a luxury, but right now its not worth the indulgence. Gold edible luster dusts and a bit of vodka can be used instead to make a paint for a similar effect without the price tag. Paint the whole branch if you like. Ghosts love a little glamour. My goal is for you to trust your kitchen intuition. Its a bit magic, a bit skill and all around witchy.
Concorde Grape and Black Pepper Tart Recipes
Chocolate Pastry Shell
113 grams butter
113 grams confectioner’s sugar
23 grams cocoa powder
23 grams almond flour
203 grams all purpose flour
1/4 tsp kosher salt
1 tbs ground black pepper
1 egg
Add all dry ingredients to the bowl of a food processor and blitz to combine.
Add softened butter and pulse until it disappears completely.
Add egg.
Form dough into a rough rectangle, wrap it in plastic wrap and chill for at least 1 hour.
Preheat oven to 325˚.
Roll dough to approximately 1/4 inch, and fit into a removable bottom tart pan. Fit the dough into all the corners, then using the back of a paring knife, remove all excess pastry. If you like, roll them into small branches, sprinkle with raw sugar, and bake for about 8 minutes.
Using a fork, poke holes in the bottom of the dough. Chill to firm. When ready to bake, crumple a piece of parchment paper larger than the tart. Open it back up and fit it into the shell. Weigh it down with pie weights, dry beans or rice. Bake for 15 minutes, then remove the weights and parchment. Continue baking another 10 ish minutes until the top looks dry. Set aside to cool completely.
Concorde Grape Jam and Glaze
The jam and glaze are made from one recipe. Some of the liquid is drained off at an earlier stage of cooking and set aside for the glaze, then the rest of the jam continues cooking.
26 ounce (1 abundant quart apx) Concorde grapes
168 grams granulated sugar
1 vanilla bean ( or 1 Tbs vanilla extract added at the end)
pinch of kosher salt
Rinse the grapes. Pick them off the stem and add them to a medium saucepan. Add about 2 ounces of water to get them started. Add the sugar and split and scraped vanilla bean. Cook over medium high until the grapes start to break down. Using a potato masher, mash the grapes into a pulp. Once a good amount of liquid is released, and most of the grapes have begun to breakdown, scoop out some of the mix into a strainer over a measuring cup and strain out 6 fluid ounces of juice. Set this juice aside for the final step.
Add the rest of the solids back to the pan and continue cooking until the grapes have entirely broken down. Strain out all the solids, pushing it through a sieve. Add this back into the pan, and cook to 222˚, so that it will set into jam. Set aside to cool.
Creme Fraiche Cream
Make this right before filling the tart.
200 grams heavy cream
60 grams creme fraiche
20 grams confectioners sugar
1/2 vanilla bean scraped- or 2 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsp ground black pepper
1 sheet gelatin
Bloom the gelatin in very cold water for 5 minutes. When its softened, squeeze out all excess water.
Warm 100 grams of the heavy cream in a small pan, or for 20 seconds in the microwave, just to warm- don’t boil. Add the bloomed gelatin and stir to melt. Add black pepper and remaining cold cream. Refrigerate to chill completely.
Add cooled cream, creme fraiche, confectioners sugar, and vanilla to the bowl of a mixer. Whip until soft peaks.
Grape Gel
Make just before using.
6 fl ounces of grape juice, reserved
2 fl ounces water
20 grams granulated sugar
1 sheet gelatin
Bloom the gelatin. Warm the grape juice, but do not boil. Stir in sugar to dissolve. Add bloomed gelatin to the warm grape juice. Stir to melt. Add cold water at the end, to cool the mix. Use right away or gelatin will start to set.
Assembly
Spread the Concorde grape jam on the bottom of the tart shell.
Top with dollops of the cream. Spread cream around evenly, leaving texture in it.
Make the Grape Gel, and drizzle it over the back of a spoon over the top of the cream.
Decorate with grapes, chocolate branches. Set in refrigerator for 2 hours to set.
That tart is BEAUTIFUL. I want to eat it without having to make it.